{"id":583,"date":"2021-07-13T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-13T21:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womanmadewell.live\/?p=583"},"modified":"2023-03-23T16:01:52","modified_gmt":"2023-03-23T21:01:52","slug":"words-matter-the-subtleties-of-shame-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/womanmadewell.live\/?p=583","title":{"rendered":"Words Matter \/ The Subtleties of Shame, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Have you felt helpless as a small child jumbles out a string of syllables you can\u2019t understand? Can\u2019t you visualize the connections firing in their little brains as they work, searching for the right word, and waiting for a hint of recognition? Unfortunately, a communication breakdown has occurred, and they may get angry, burst into tears, or quit trying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Doesn\u2019t that still happen no matter how old we are? When we feel that we haven\u2019t been seen or heard, can\u2019t we get angry, weepy, or just shut down and stop talking?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Being at a loss for words, especially after traumatic situations, is medically documented. Technology has helped us to begin to learn about how the brain functions. For example, Broca\u2019s area &#8211; one of the brain\u2019s speech centers &#8211; helps us put thoughts and feelings into words. However, this area can shut down, says Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. author of \u201cThe Body Keeps the Score.\u201d In his research on trauma, he says, \u201cOur scans showed that Broca\u2019s area went offline whenever a flashback was triggered.\u201d He goes on to say, \u201cAll trauma is preverbal.\u201d And science continues to connect how our brains work with our physical body as it \u201ckeeps the score\u201d and holds our emotions if we keep our pain silent and to ourselves.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The only words I knew after my transplant was \u201csomething needed to change.\u201d I had many questions, few words of explanation or even rationalization, and tons of shame and regret.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My soul needed an interpreter, and my bitter, broken heart and mind needed a doctor. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/nlt\/hebrews\/4-12.html\">Hebrews 4:12 &#8211; NLT &#8211; For the word of God is alive and powerful. It i&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Jesus is the Great Physician and the only true balm for our soul. Lesser, temporary sources of healing will never satisfy or last. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/nlt\/mark\/2-17.html\">Mark 2:17 &#8211; NLT &#8211; When Jesus heard this, he told them, \u201cHealthy p\u2026<\/a>&nbsp; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/nlt\/jeremiah\/8-22.html\">Jeremiah 8:22 &#8211; NLT &#8211; Is there no medicine in Gilead? Is there no phy&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ve spent the better part of fifty years describing things I felt about the past in terms of regret. I know it was often my response to the fear of failure and not being enough that generated shame. Why? Because I was defined by it. It became part of my identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I looked back at regret, I began to realize it looked and felt like a missed opportunity\u2014a chance to be brave that I\u2019d turned down for an easier, more comfortable path. Unable to process it as anything other than nerves or just icky feelings or \u201cbutterflies\u201d at the time, I realize now it was fear\u2014of messing up, not living up to expectations, not being enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-squeaky-wheel\/201306\/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure\">10 Signs That You Might Have Fear of Failure<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Fear of failure with experience that provided &#8211; what I thought was \u201cproof\u201d &#8211; sowed some very destructive seeds of shame in my life, and I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not alone. But we can become aware and see shame in its true light &#8211; a pervasive condition, fueling all kinds of chaos and damage, robbing generations of women from knowing who they are and from living life with purpose and meaning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019m learning from my regrets, and you can too. It\u2019s a courageous opportunity.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Bren\u00e9 Brown, a renowned expert on shame, agrees. She talks about it in this way in her book \u201cRising Strong.\u201d \u201cLike all emotions, regret can be used constructively or destructively, but the wholesale dismissal of regret is wrongheaded and dangerous. \u201cNo regrets\u201d doesn\u2019t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The \u201cWoman Made Well\u201d woman of Mark 5 may have suffered from regret &#8211; the text doesn\u2019t say, but it does say that she decided \u201cwithin herself\u201d to believe that healing was possible if she could touch the mere tassel of Jesus\u2019 robe. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/nlt\/mark\/5-28.html\">https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/nlt\/mark\/5-28.html<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She made a determined choice for courage as she moved toward healing that was counter-cultural, brave, and bucked religious rules and traditions. Her courage allowed her to steer through very intimidating and uncomfortable people and situations to touch healing and receive her true identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She is our definition of curiosity, courage, and healing personified.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Shame is a condition with only one cure. But with humble &#8211; Woman Made Well &#8211; courage; we can access it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you felt helpless as a small child jumbles out a string of syllables you can\u2019t understand? Can\u2019t you visualize the connections firing in their little brains as they work, searching for the right word, and waiting for a hint of recognition? Unfortunately, a communication&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":295,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[31],"class_list":["post-583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-posts","tag-courage"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Words Matter \/ The Subtleties of Shame, Part 2 - Woman Made Well<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/womanmadewell.live\/?p=583\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Words Matter \/ The Subtleties of Shame, Part 2 - Woman Made Well\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Have you felt helpless as a small child jumbles out a string of syllables you can\u2019t understand? 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