{"id":994,"date":"2021-12-10T14:59:01","date_gmt":"2021-12-10T20:59:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womanmadewell.live\/?p=994"},"modified":"2023-03-23T16:25:13","modified_gmt":"2023-03-23T21:25:13","slug":"when-our-questions-dont-have-answers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/womanmadewell.live\/?p=994","title":{"rendered":"When Our Questions Don&#8217;t Have Answers"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I hate this. Despite all the triumphs in medical advancement, here we are. An oxygen concentrator hums with white noise as hymns play in the background, all I can do is watch. It&#8217;s out of my hands. I really really hate this &#8211; watching the life fade from her body. Sometimes I still don\u2019t believe it. At initial diagnosis, I didn&#8217;t think we\u2019d ever get here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Medical knowledge and technology have advanced so much and people beat cancer all the time. I thought we\u2019d have the miracle story to tell.&nbsp;Any illusion or semblance of control is shattered by the simple fact that many of the questions I have don\u2019t have an answer. And they won\u2019t have an answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll be honest, I\u2019m fighting the urge to doubt. I&#8217;m mad, sad, frustrated, and impatient all rolled up together. But two choices to move forward are so clear to me this time around. 1 &#8211; To trust in God\u2019s goodness and believe His plan is better even when the plan includes grief and suffering, especially when I don\u2019t understand. Or 2  &#8211; let my own understanding determine my response and with doubt and unbelief reach for anything to comfort and numb myself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;m choosing to trust God this time. He has shown me the better way. So when I start to doubt, I remember. I remember God&#8217;s mercy and grace to me in the past and how He saved me. And how He&#8217;s led me into healing and discovering His peace &#8211; what I was looking for but not found on my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With this loss, I\u2019m determined to cling to God and allow the Holy Spirit to help me manage the feelings that want to take over. I won\u2019t rely upon my own version of truth or allow my feelings to run the show and control my decision-making like they did the first time. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/csb\/proverbs\/passage\/?q=proverbs+3:5-6\">Proverbs 3:5-6 &#8211; CSB<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am processing all my emotions with my God. He will hear my cry because He knows I want to follow Him wherever He leads. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/csb\/psalms\/passage\/?q=psalm+116:1-2\">Psalm 116:1-2<\/a>  He will comfort me. I\u2019m going to talk to God in prayer and journaling and I will turn to safe and reliable spaces and friends when I need to talk about things. And I\u2019ll be honest with Him about questions I have about His timing and situations that tempt me to question His goodness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This goodbye is not like the one before that broke us. Even though I&#8217;ll miss her terribly, there is the sweetness of redemption, reconciliation, and no regrets, and quiet unshakable confidence that I will see her again. She ran her race. She will soon be complete. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/csb\/2-timothy\/4-7.html\">2 Timothy 4:7 &#8211; CSB<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So I take comfort in this. There is a different spirit inside both of us. The first storm actually broke ground inside us, refined and burnt off impurities which produced in both of us a character that is closer to Jesus&#8217; character. It reminds us that the extraordinary power we have is not from us, but from God. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/csb\/2-corinthians\/4-7.html\">2 Corinthians 4:7 &#8211; CSB<\/a>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I will choose to believe God is good even when things don\u2019t feel good. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblestudytools.com\/csb\/psalms\/34-8.html\">Psalm 34:8 &#8211; CSB<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I  will make the choice and agree, \u201cThy will be done.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I hate this. Despite all the triumphs in medical advancement, here we are. An oxygen concentrator hums with white noise as hymns play in the background, all I can do is watch. It&#8217;s out of my hands. 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