Taking New Ground

The small billboard sign in the parking lot read, “Turn on your headlights if you are a first-time visitor.” “Oh no, we are not doing that,” I told my husband in no uncertain terms. Not an unusual reaction for me at the time. This church with the three crosses signage was the first but not the last attempt to welcome me. 

I wanted to engage at my own pace without extra attention with this encounter or many more to come. 

Shame was a posture I’d worn like clothing since my earliest memory. If you’ll remember from earlier conversations, shame is defined as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection. So my mind, conditioned by some negative experiences, told me to try not to be a burden. Try not to stand out. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t fail. Be pleasing to others. Survive. Survive. Survive. And then into adulthood, like a tired old worn-out cozy sweater that’s easy to grab and pull on, it was my comfy way to relate to people. 

So, I disappeared into the crowd. For two years, I did this. Yet, something deep inside knew I needed something else inside that sanctuary. And finally acknowledged my utter and total dependence on God and invited Him in.

You don’t shed old habits without taking new ground. Ephesians 4:22-24 – NLT  We can’t take the ground of our hearts and their desires without Jesus. My heart had been deceiving me for a long time. Jeremiah 17:9 – NLT  

And now I have to admit some blind spots along the way that may be familiar or not but something to consider on your spiritual journey. Are you afraid to break tradition and do something different than your family spiritually? Are you refusing God’s comfort through a spiritual community because you fear rejection of being known? Are you still working on crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s to be in good standing with God? Do you wonder if you’ve done enough to get to heaven? Have you been hurt by human beings inside or outside the church and decided that God can’t be good because of what He’s allowed to happen to you?

What broke new ground was a complete surrender of my way of doing things coupled with consistent Holy Spirit-led worship, cracking open the Bible at home and in church, digging into the Word with teaching and for myself, and with these spiritual disciplines, I began desiring the things of God.  And then the last element that I had avoided for so long, community. A community where I would confess and reveal myself to other believers. And heal. James 5:16 NLT

Not only does Jesus save us, but He promises to give us every place where the sole of our feet would dare to tread within the plans and purposes He created us for. Joshua 1:3  He has kept His promise to help me take the new ground I’m willing to fight for.