Taking Ahold of the Ownership Again

“You make me feel so _________”.

Have you said it too? I’m sure I’ve said it, not even thinking about the responsibility implications. But more often than actual words, the sentiment bubbled from my heart into my thoughts more times than I would care to admit.

Yes, I concede, it temporarily feels good to release pain and frustration in blame. But, if we never move past blame in our reactions – even to situations of injustice – would we ever see God’s view of the situation? Or could we wrap words around the raw emotions to allow God to meet our genuine needs, address real fears, or help forgive a true injustice? Genesis 3:12-13

No, we wouldn’t.

We don’t realize that those few little untrue words, “you make me feel,” are harmful. Yes, other people do things that ignite our emotions for sure. When we rightly respond in anger reacting to violence, abuse, or other evil, it’s what we do with anger that’s an issue, not the feeling itself. Ephesians 4:26

Emotions aren’t destructive in themselves because Jesus experienced everything we experience, but they can dictate situations in a harmful way if we let them. Hebrews 4:15 God created us to be in a relationship with Him so He could help carry the heavy load of emotions in a broken world. Acknowledging the negative feelings to God and then letting His Word and Holy Spirit guide and counsel us will protect us from emotions that we want to act on unwisely. 1 Peter 5:7

That’s why it’s so important to not lean on what we think but lean on God. Proverbs 3:5-6

What was the underlying issue in the “you make me feel” wording? I’d call it ownership or responsibility. As long as we point the finger of blame outside ourselves as the source of a problem, we will never be able to confront the issues inside ourselves that need facing. And healing. No one but ourselves has control over our feelings and how it affects our thinking and action. And we need to trust God to make all the wrongs right if not today – one day.

Our emotions don’t reside outside our hearts – or inner being – or some remote place that we think relieves us of responsibility. That incorrect logic will head us down the wrong path in our relationships. Proverbs 4:23 Proverbs 27:19  

The book “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk provided me with words to wrap around what I was thinking and feeling in my difficult relationship. It was a powerful interruption to my old thinking patterns that were not healthy.

He talks about “powerless” and “powerful” people but not in the traditional sense that culture would define them. Instead, he explains it this way. “Powerful people take responsibility for their lives and choice. Powerful people choose who they want to be with, what they are going to pursue in life, and how they are going to go after it.” 

I discovered was the absolute falsehood that someone else could control me – that they had the key, the joystick, or the power supply button to my emotions and action. When I realized my responses needed to change to respect and value (aka honor) my relationships properly, I needed God to help me renew my mind and put me back in the CEO chair of responsibility for me. Romans 12:2

I started using “I messages” to communicate how I felt. I explained the impact, and I didn’t hurl accusations when I felt negative emotions. That simple ownership move led to more productive conversation to get to the core of the need I was expressing.

Ownership of emotions and realizing our choice in them is genuinely empowering and freeing. And with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, it is possible.

The truth is – if we want transformation – the emotional buck stops here.