The Longing We All Desire
I remember vividly the first time I was “yelled” at on the job. I’d made a mistake. But, instead of owning it and admitting it to my manager, I thought I’d try to fix it myself. Hiding something that reflected poorly on me was my go-to. My plan didn’t work.
The manager didn’t actually raise his voice, but it didn’t matter. The impact was the same as if he had. The megaphone in my brain amplified the mistake to a deafening volume. Any criticism I received – deserved or undeserved – was a personal assault that brought up my defenses and lowered my self-esteem. Any confrontation or anger directed my way left me in a puddle of anxiety and fear, and I’d act out of that space.
Anytime fear took over, it hit the replay button of a recording I’d rehearsed in my mind for a long time. “I’m not good.” No, I didn’t speak these thoughts out loud or even consciously realize this was my internal dialogue’s poisonous message. But it was still there and affected word and every decision I made.
Perfectionism became my protection. It is a relentless pursuit never again to feel the sting of anger, disapproval, or judgment. It was my answer for the shame messages underlying the ways I sought and managed relational connection.
Thoughts voiced the absence of an unfulfilled hunger that would only be satisfied by becoming God’s child through faith. 2 Timothy 1:7 – ESV
Has perfection become your protection? Do you bow to the critical voices in your head who condemn too? Do you work and perform to please people to avoid the pain of criticism or judgment? Do you find yourself quick to judge others? (Hand raised in complete transparency)
A lot of us do because…
The desire for perfection is sewn inside us because we were perfect once in the Garden of Eden. In perfect communion with God and nature. Adam and Eve were naked and felt no shame. Genesis 2:25
Many people struggle with perfectionism, but we don’t identify it as a response to relational shame. Shame researcher Brené Brown writes, “Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.” She continues to define it as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: if I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.“ “Two of the most common messages that trigger shame in all of us are “never good enough“ and “who do you think you are?“
If you identify with this desire and can recognize it in yourself, that’s a big hurdle.
Our perfection or completeness is only made possible by grace through faith in Jesus. Ephesians 2:8
So don’t miss what this longing for perfection is supposed to point to. Get curious about God. Get curious about your purpose on this planet. Get curious about your relationships.
The longing for perfection we all have is the divinely tailored call of a loving Father who wants you in His family.
