Awake, So Let’s Get Going

Sunday morning praise report! 

Journal entry by MW – June 8, 2014

Kelli is awake! This morning they turned off the sedation, and she is responding normally. She is now aware of her condition and she’s processing, but so thankful. The goal for today is to take her intubation tube out and get some more fluid off. Praise God for answered prayers and new miracles this morning.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

I was awake, but there were no medical explanations to soothe. I was so, so grateful, though. I can’t even explain it. I couldn’t talk, but I could write. I scribbled on a whiteboard to my family, “say a prayer.” That was something to be grateful for too. They weren’t even sure I could write; my brain had swollen so much from the fluid administered to keep me alive. I’m sure I confused the poor lady who gave me an infusion of something when I tried to write a thank you to the blood donation center on my whiteboard.

Gratitude had sparked my desire to get to know this Healer who entered my life a few short months earlier when in resignation, I decided I couldn’t fix myself.

This blog will combine personal healing stories and things I’ve learned along the way. But it’s not a walk unique to me. We are all headed down the same road together. Some may have gotten turned around and upside down with bad choices. Others are stuck in pain and are just surviving. While others are running in success and think everything is just fine. I think all of us are a combo of all three, heavier in one category or another on any given day.

I was a combo who thought I was just fine. But I lied to myself; I wasn’t.

I can’t even believe I’m here right now, to be honest. I’ve wanted to melt into the background most of my life. You might ask, “What is your motivation to start a website and write a blog?” Well, I’ll I can say is, “I can’t – not – do it.” 

I know a double negative in grammar equals a positive, so here is the situation. My story is not just for me. I’m like an eyewitness to an event and I’m telling what happened to me. And you are the jury who gets to decide whether you buy it or not. This story is for you to use how you would use it. My hope is, that it inspires you to realize change is possible, and the power required doesn’t have to come from you. 

I’m not claiming any expert status. I’m not special. But I was a willing participant to invite Jesus to what He wanted to take away and heal in me. 

In this blog, I’ll write about finally believing God’s promises applied to me – a middle-aged woman – who sat in a church pew most of her life. I was involved in religion, not a relationship. I had suffocated my emotional life, and I numbed because life was too scary to be vulnerable and share with anyone. I’ll talk about honor – how I learned to treat myself well and treat others well, especially when I didn’t want to with good communication skills and healthy boundaries. I’ll share about releasing hurt because it only held up my healing. I’ll share what I’ve learned about all the ways our body, mind, and spirit are intertwined and the devastating impact shame can have on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. 

It’s at the bottom of peeling layer after layer of hurt and pride away; I found shame that needed to be swept out of my life and never let it back because Jesus made it so. 

I think my first undiagnosed illness was a wake-up call. One I ignored. I’m thankful I received a second chance—a pretty dramatic one. I don’t want that to happen to you.

Have you gotten a wake-up call you’ve ignored? 

What I know as we start this journey, Jesus is the answer to the questions we need to ask.

I only hope by being transparent and vulnerable, you will begin to ask yourself some questions too.