When Willpower Will Not, Part 1
I was determined. Finally, with my problems in the rearview mirror and the newfound emotional space and freedom to get disciplined, I would take charge plus find willpower again. [Big exhale.]
But how would I do that? Hmm. [Puzzled emoji here]
Have you been up against the vicious circle of a habit you can’t change? Have you been using all your willpower, energy, and strength to make minimal progress to backslide? Do you keep making some of the same promises to yourself over and over again?
I have.
It can be only a matter of days or a week or two before we gradually go back to old habits and give in to old cravings. Many times distance does nothing for the struggles that hold us hostage because they exist inside us. James 1:14 – NLT When emotions come that we don’t know how to process or deal with and don’t see another way to handle them, we repeatedly go back to the same old coping mechanisms. Proverbs 26:11 – NLT
Here’s the cultural definition of willpower*: 1. The strength of will to carry out one’s decisions, wishes, or plans. 2. The unwavering strength and will to carry out one’s wishes. 3. the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior. *according to Wordnik.
Well, ok, here is my application of willpower. Perhaps you’ve tried more creative ways to control yourself?
First off, I created a bunch of rules for myself. Rules like – I’d only drink on weekends, or only when I was out for dinner, or on a particular night of the week. I wouldn’t commit to driving after a time of day when it was likely I’d be under the influence. Whatever sounded like a good strategy or a different approach was on the table. But meanwhile, my other source of emotional regulation – sweets and starches – would kick back in as I tried to curb the other.
So when I couldn’t stop a behavior with rules, my next strategy was to distract and deflect others from what I was doing. Shame manifests itself by hiding or covering up the behavior. For example, if I felt someone watching what I was doing, I’d ask them a question or change the subject. Or, if confronted, I’d get defensive and blame something else for making me act this way then administer the silent treatment.
Thoughts would ruminate, and I’d anticipate drinking. I jumped at any chance to get to do the thing I wanted to do. A boozy brunch. OK! A brewery or distillery tour. I’m in! A get-together with a partying atmosphere. Yes! A weekend tailgate. Absolutely! It all played to my desire to get my emotional numbing “fix.”
A big vicious cycle of self-deception was all it was. Then, finally, my willpower had met its match because there was something I now wanted more than my self-control. Idols these days aren’t just statues and images of animals in a foreign land. An idol is whatever in life we want more than God. Romans 1:22-25 – NLT
How arrogant was I to be treating my body, God’s creation, so poorly? How prideful to think I could change things without Him. Yet, on the other hand, how self-reliant was I to go about life without even a second thought of wanting God’s help for so long. It’s breathtaking for me to consider looking back. I was relying on His mercy and grace for every single breath of life while I was literally hating myself with my actions and refusing His love.
Maybe you’ve conquered some things on your own and don’t think you need God. Please don’t believe this lie. Our willpower will run out. It will never be enough. He will allow something into our life that we can’t handle.
So God gives us a choice. He offers His boundless mercy and grace and can restore our honor, or He lets go our own way.
But our way will never heal or transform. Or get us to heaven.
The good news – God provides – The Helper – the Holy Spirit when we accept His son Jesus into our hearts. And one of the bottomless blessings of God’s grace through His Holy Spirit is the gift of self-control. Galatians 5:22-23 – NLT
[In When Willpower Will Not, Part 2, we’ll talk more about the Holy Spirit and how His presence helps us change what we can’t]
