When It Feels Like We’re Falling

Driving through the Flint Hills yesterday, I noticed a soaring bird floating over the top of us. Curious, “Is that an eagle? Humm, no white head, probably not,” I commented to my husband. Interesting timing provided the reason for the route through the breath-taking cattle-strewn prairie land in the first place.

I was intrigued because eagles and I have history. And then I saw the white head. The male eagle was already tearing away at its prey on the ground while a juvenile eagle flew to join him.

This eagle sighting was special to me because they’d shown up before. 

There were so many times on my healing journey, I didn’t have the strength to do whatever was in front of me, but I’d cling to the verse from Isaiah to rehearse when it felt like I couldn’t go another step. “…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31 

Eagles are reminders to me of God’s ever-watchful presence. A visible reminder at crucial junctions in my life that I can rest in His presence. I no longer relied on myself.

When physical or emotional fatigue threatens or whenever facing anxiety or when fear flares, I’d speak this verse in my mind or aloud. On one particular occasion, I asked my husband to pray for me – to see me through these next few days that seemed beyond my capability at the time – a few moments later, I glimpsed the tell-tale white headdress flying over the top of me. The absolutely unmistakable symbol of the LORD and His presence of the verse I’d clung to flew across my path.

A sign of swiftness – of watchfulness – a symbol of rescue and protection for those in His care. And as an eagle stirs up its nest to make the eaglets uncomfortable enough to abandon the nest to learn to fly, God was letting me know He’d catch me. He’d be there while I learned to fly. Not just until I learned to do it myself, but until I’d trust His presence. I might feel like I’m falling, but I’d never hit the ground because He’d catch me. Deuteronomy 32:11 

He’d be there, especially during this next season of saying goodbye to my mom.

Yet, I am hopeful and confident despite these difficult circumstances and the reality of this broken world; I can trust God has us both securely because we’ve accepted Him as our LORD and Savior. His presence has been made known in the peace that passes all understanding. Philippians 4:7 – NLT And even if it feels like we were falling, we’re held.

He will catch His daughters.

As our family approaches Thanksgiving this year, the reality sinks in. Next year’s holiday will look very different. Doctors know a lot, but I know the One who knows everything. I’m taking in and comprehending the magnitude of what that means, especially in this closing chapter of life – that God first envisioned her before He envisioned me.

How do I say goodbye to someone who has been present and in my life from my first breath? 

I don’t know the answer. The only thing I do know. I will cling to the only unchanging thing in my life—the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13  I will cling to His ever-watchful presence. Knowing His eyes never leave me. I will take refuge under His protective wings forever. Psalm 91:4